How can we help you?
Life coaching differs from counselling or any form of therapy in that it provides guidance to help you achieve your goals and live the life that you desire. In theory everyone could use a life coach but few people are aware of how much they could benefit.
When did you last have someone’s undivided attention, where they totally focused on you and on what you want? Or a conversation where you felt that you were really being listened to without recieving the other persons opinion on what would be best for you?
The coaching relationship is about helping you to become clear about what you want and supporting you to take action in order to achieve your goals.
Coaches use many techniques but the most important is conversation - and asking you questions that you would not ask yourself - powerful questions and then really listening to your answers and to what's behind them. The right question can reveal possibilities that you may never even have thought of - the 'aha' moment!
Your coach will help you identify areas where your values are being compromised and ensure your current goals are in alignment with your core values.
When you face obstacles your coach will remind you of your strengths and goals and hold you accontable to yourself to keep your vision alive.
Your coach will make you aware of the self-limiting thoughts that hold you back and encourage you to recognise them for what they are - the voices of self sabotage.
The coaching relationship includes all these things, all directed at making positive improvements in your life. Our only agenda is to help you succeed and to spread the word!
This is a really hectic time for me. Planning for an overseas trip which includes attending a friends wedding and then moving house 5 days after I return. And then there is a 28 day marketing plan that I have started. And that included the idea to set up a new auto responder system. And that led to setting up an on-line coaching club. So I guess I’m as guilty as anyone of multitasking. Why do I take on so much at one time? Because my brain works faster than most people can speak (and faster than I can speak too) . And I have loads of ideas. And it feels like I’m accomplishing more. Wrong. But I also know that I am not a ‘completer-finisher’, and always have so many “75% finished” projects – but not so many 100% completed ones. Research shows that multitasking reduces productivity by as much as 40%, reduces competency AND it’s stressful too. So how can I improve my bad habit?
I know that for me it is a form of addiction, and gets my adrenalin flowing. So here are some things that I am currently doing:
Make a list of things that I have achieved each day/week. A great cure for me, because unlike a ‘to-do’ list that gets bigger with the unfinished things, this list stays small unless I have finished things. And I want this list to have lots of things on it. So I have to finish things. The best form of ‘catch 22′!
Giving myself a reward when something is finished. My reward for completing the marketing plan is to have a spa facial. I am looking forward to it very much, but I will not allow myself to book one until the end of the period. And that leads me to the next point, which is
Reward myself for finishing rather than for major successes or perfection. Each completed activity is a success. I dont have to wait until I have signed up another 10 new customers or other measure of my own success. Just finishing is success in my multitasking life
Plan my day into small ‘chunks’ (a bit like eating the proverbial elephant). I’ve found this works better if I make my self imposed deadlines even shorter. Instead of allowing an hour for a project, I can decide to do it in 30 minutes. That keeps me focused and believe it or not the focused time spent on a project is less stressful than multitasking, and gets added to my ‘done’ list quicker.
I don’t need to spent all day one task, as long as it was on the plan and it gets the allocated time. It then joins the growing list of things on my new ‘done list’. My days seem to fly past using this method, and Friday comes around too soon!
So as it is Friday, I can now add the completion of this blog post to my list too.
Do you have any suggestions that work for you? I would love to hear about them
Coaches talk to their clients all the time about their unique brilliance and finding their authentic selves. At first people find the idea of being unique, brilliant or authentic a little intimidating. We are often taught that it’s not OK to claim our greatness, and certainly not to tell others about it. For us girls, we were probably told that it is just not ladylike. But, that just isn’t true. It’s a myth perpetuated by those who are so afraid to claim their own greatness they don’t want anyone else to do it either. The result tends to be that we smile politely and continue to waste our talents and abilities, whilst building up our frustration and ignoring our dreams.
I believe that midlife is the perfect time to admit that you truly do have a goals, dreams and the talents to be able to fulfil them. That is what the experiences leading up to this point have been preparing you for. If you are currently feeling that there is something inside you that is yearning to make some changes in your life, or asking yourself what you want to do next, listen to your feelings.
When I work with clients, there are a number of activities and questions that will reveal the answers to the questions of midlife, and lead to an “aha” moment. The following questions are a little tough. I am sharing them with you because I have worked on them myself and they can make a difference in starting the necessary changes in your life and finding the confidence to admit what you want and who you are.
What do you really love?
What is it that you are here to share with the world?
What have you learned through your own experiences?
What do you appreciate about yourself?
What are your core values?
How are you living your core values?
After all, midlife is known as ‘the change’, so why not make it a positive one?
If you are ready to make some positive changes in your own life, why not sign up to recieve my newsletter and regular details on making the most of midlife? You will also recieve my 10 page e-book on Personal Branding, to help you answer the question “Who am I?”
Many things in my life have been inspired by horses – my passion for freedom, my love of the English countryside, and many of the wonderful friendships that I have made with both horses and others that love them. One recent special lady that I have met is Trisha Wooldridge who introduced me to the work of Bay State Equine Rescue, a local non profit group who’s mission is “the rescue and rehabilitation of equines void of a human advocate, abused, neglected or abandoned.” The photograph above is Avoca, who is almost completely blind. Trisha, who is a professional writer, is assisting the centre’s fundraising efforts this week by completing a blogathon, where she writes short pieces about people like myself, who in return make a small donation to the centre. In my own effort to spread the word about this wonderful venture, I have reproduced the “interview” that Trisha will be publishing about me.
Amanda Miller is a Certified Life Coach for “women of a certain age” that I had the good fortune of meeting at a Downtown Women’s Clubevent. Not only did she just have a presence that made people feel good in just being around her, she also loves horses! So, I’m doubly happy to introduce you to her during the Blogathon!
Thank you, again, for being part of the Blogathon. Your website, Smart Steps Life Coach, has a great explanation of what life coaching is, and what to expect. What inspired you to make your life path coaching – particularly for middle aged women?
I really had outgrown the role I had been in for almost 15 years as a corporate trainer, and I didn’t enjoy working for the company I was employed by at the time, which was one of Britain’s biggest banks. My husband had the chance to relocate to the Boston area, so I jumped at the chance to escape the existing job. I had just finished my bachelor’s degree at the grand old age of 41 and wanted to explore human development and psychology further. Life coaching seemed to fit the best parts of training with personal development. The ‘Women of a certain age” part came after about six months of starting the coaching business as I had no previous experience of marketing my services, and every marketing guru always said you had to find a niche. I initially thought that it would be ‘confidence coaching for women’, but after working with a couple of clients I realized that there is a certain point in our lives (after about age 35) when we go through a transitional period because of career change (like myself), relationship breakup or just no longer knowing who we are or what we want. I then had a client who used the ‘aha moment’ phrase after I had asked her to reflect on an issue in her life, and that just felt like it summed up what I wanted to provide for all my clients.
What is your favorite part of life coaching? What do you find the most challenging?
I love problem solving with people, so finding that key “aha” question that sparks off new ideas for my clients is always really rewarding. I also love preparing group coaching sessions so that I can share some of the key coaching solutions with small groups of people, and experience their interactions. The most challenging part, which all coaches say they were unprepared for, is actually getting your name known, and having clients find you – marketing snd self promotion. It is very time consuming.
You were also trained as a Color and Image Consultant. Among my blog readers are many writers and “geeks” (used as a positive endearment) like me who fear fashion. What advice can you give us to make handling our appearance less terrifying?
Find out what your base colors are to wear – a color consultant can do t his for you, but if you have a tight budget, remember that no one ever looks bad in navy blue, and you can always wear colors that are similar to your natural hair and eye color. Too many women choose to wear black, which often overpowers them and makes them look tired. Buy classic items that suit your body shape and you will always look good, and yo can accessories inexpensively with colored scarves and jewellery. I’ve always felt that fashion can be left to the under 21 age group. You do not have to wear the latest fashion to look stylish and well turned out, and you can never look geeky when you are well presented.
What are some of the tools and services that you offer online? I know you have a great blog, newsletter, and you were working on webinars? Can you tell us more – and how to sign up?
I write a regular blog giving hints, tips and reminders on how to be your own life coach, and support this with a monthly newsletter that is sent to my subscribers. You can read the blogs and past newsletters on my website www.smartstepslifecoach.comand I would be honored if horse loving readers of this interview would join my subscribers from the link on the site. I have a teleconference on August 2, entitled “Conquering your Inner Critic”, which is about dealing with that voice in your head that tells you that you are “not good enough”. This will form part of a six part group telephone coaching program that I will be offering shortly at an affordable price – if anyone is interested in getting further information on dates and times, please drop me an email at amanda@smartstepslifecoach.com. I will also post updates in the newsletter. There are also two face to face workshops that I am delivering in September, in collaboration with an Image consultant, which we are calling “The Magic of Midlife”, and a skin care expert which we are referring to as “The Cinderella Series”. Both will be helping women with confidence, personal goals and image, and will be in Wellesley. Again, email me for dates and further information.
What is the greatest lesson you have learned in your journey? Which lesson do you find most women have to learn or face in their life?
That if you have a goal or a dream, and keep focused on in, you can achieve it. I use my manifestation of my first pony as an example, since I wanted on for about 6 years when I was young (that was half my lifetime at that point!) I coach my clients on establishing what their goals are, writing them down and finding pictures of the things they want to have in their lives, which is a bit like being a pony mad child and collecting pictures, books and ornaments of horses, and drawing and writing about them as I did.
I have found that most women need to face two lessons. The first is that they should spend time to nurture themselves and give themselves permission to do what they want – they don’t need to solve the problems of everyone else in the family first – it just makes them exhausted and bad tempered. The second is closely related in that they need to find some balance to be able to focus on the issues that are important to their goals, dreams and well-being, not just the everyday duties of running their household or career. This is one of the activities that I am focusing on in the September workshops.
Can you share a little about the horses in your life? What is one of your favorite stories to tell? And what did you learn from the horses in your life?
My first and long awaited pony was Mercury, a 13.2 dapple grey with a lovely temperament. I always say that he was my first love, and I still think about him 30 years later. Sadly, I outgrew him, and my parents couldn’t afford to let me keep him.
Mercury is involved in one of my favorite stories, because in the summer when I was 12, I taught my best friend to ride on him. Once she had mastered walk, trot and canter, we went our for trail rides. I was riding a 16.3 ex-racehorse (visualize the scene of two 12 year olds riding a small pony and an elderly racehorse). We were having a slow canter along the side of a field, and when I stopped and looked around to speak to my friend, neither she nor Mercury were in sight. So I trotted back along the path we had followed and saw Mercury looking into a ditch, just as my friend was climbing out, as if he was asking “What are you doing down there?” She had her first fall. She wasn’t hurt and was able to get back on – but I am sure Mercury had an amused smile on his face for the rest of the day.
I think that Mercury and the other horses I have had in my life (Lady, Filly and Cyril) have taught me to enjoy my own company and that I can always find peace, patience and the ability to live in the present moment when I am around them (not necessarily when I am sitting in the saddle though!). Horses have no guilt about the past or worry about the future. Nowadays, I have found this in the cats that share my life too.
What question haven’t I asked that you wished I did – and what would the answer be?
Maybe – what would you do if you had a spare million dollars? The answer would be to set up a shelter for any domestic animal that needed help or a home. I have an image of everything from horses, donkeys, goats, pigs, chickens, dogs and cats. But I would probably need an extra million to pay people to do that much work – I know how much energy is needed to maintain one horse or pony!
Lastly, what are the ways people can contact, follow… or otherwise positively stalk you online?
And again, please sign up on the website for my monthly newsletter, (I need to finish this months as soon as I have completed this!)
Again, thank you very much for your support of the Bay State Equine Rescue, Amanda!
And before I sign off from this blog, here is an example of a current BSER resident who is in need of a new home – check out the details of this young lady, and her friends, on the adoption page.
I would love the opportunity to speak to my blog readers in person rather than just via my blog postings. I have created a new teleconference that is free (apart from the cost of the call) where I will give you ideas for tackling your inner critic and the thoughts that are holding you back. So stop saying “I can’t” and decide that you can – bu joining me on this call. Click this link for registration details. And if you know someone else who might benefit, please pass this along to them.
In my blog about Law of Attraction levels of emotions, I listed the 22 ascending emotions, when the number one aspiration for us humans (if only we realized it) is to feel joyful. In fact everything we do is an attempt to feel more joy in our lives. Other positive feelings such as love, peace, happiness and excitement help create a sense of wellbeing within us. Just think about a time when you felt any of these positive emotions, and see if it puts a smile on your face.
If we can spend more of our time consciously reflecting on the things that make us feel positive, we will find that we attract more positive people and experiences into our lives. The opposite tends to happen with focusing on negativity too. So why would you want to attract more negativity than you already have?
The truth is that circumstances that surround you do not define the quality of your life, but how you react to them certainly does. Of course there are times in our lives that cause us unhappiness, fear, worry, sadness and disappointment. And it is not healthy to ignore these feelings. The problem is when you allow yourself to stay in a rut of gloom and doom for too long.
An instant way of shifting negative emotions is to practice gratitude. This will shift you into a more positive feeling state, since it is not possible to feel negative emotions at the same time as being appreciative of the things in your life. Appreciation is listed alongside joy as one of the highest emotions. So take a moment to practice. Close your eyes and thing about something you feel grateful for in your life. Maybe the way your cat purrs when he sits on your lap, or the paintings that your children make for you – it can be something really simple. Maybe the love of your family. Or if you are really struggling with positivity, focus on the beauty of nature, the taste of your favorite food or the smell of fresh baked bread. Just find something that is meanigful to you and notice any small shift in your feelings or energy.
Try mentally listing 10 things you are grateful for each night before you fall asleep. Or keep a gratitude journal (see my post on journaling for more details). Remember, the more things you are grateful for means you will attract even more similar things into your life.
The reason I decided on ‘Smart Steps’ as the name for my Life coaching business was not because I was a huge fan of traditional ‘SMART’ goal setting techniques – but because I resented them! I disliked the Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed (or versions thereof) acronym for what was basically target setting. I prefer to consider most goals in life to be closer to dreams than to targets, so my smart steps are ways of taking baby steps in the direction of what you want. And one of the first steps is building your self confidence to find the inspiration to achieve everything you want out of life – or live your dreams.
Here are a few daily steps you can try each day to boost your self-confidence.
Start a journal. A confidence-boosting journal should contain positive things you did for that day. Most people accomplish a lot of little things in the span of 24 hours, but don’t really think of them as achievements. Have a ‘Done’ list rather than a ‘To-do’ list.
By putting them in a journal each day, you see how they build up over the weeks, months, and years. You might start with the simple things – like a random act of kindness to a stranger or how you resisted breaking your diet.
It can be something as simple as holding the door open for an elderly person or reading a self development book.If you did something loving and kind for someone during your day, If , it will motivate you to achieve more and you’ll be able to identify areas in your life where there is too much or too little of the colourful activity.
List your goals/dreams in baby steps. The key to achieving your goals often requires baby steps helping you gain the esteem you’re lacking. Instead of setting a goal to accomplish the whole thing at once, try breaking it down into tiny steps that you need to meet each day. Each time you get to cross off the little steps, you gain more confidence and you’ll empower yourself to reach the next step until you’ve achieved the primary goal.
Read inspirational quotes. With so much on the market today, search the Internet or purchase a book with lots of inspirational quotes about confidence or self-esteem. Read one quote everyday and see if you can apply it to your own life. My suggestion is to subscribe to the Abraham-Hicks daily quotes site. I also like to post motivational ideas on my Facebook page, so you might like to join me there too.
Self Care – treat yourself to some ‘me time’. Whether it is fining a babysitter and having a meal out with your partner; spending some time with your girlfriends; having a facial or manicure or simply having a long bubble bath in the evening instead of a shower – just find some quiet time to yourself. After all, is 15 minutes a day too much to ask?
The key to feeling confident is finding balance in all you do – but that is a completely different blog subject!
Job transitions can be stressful—whether they’re due to layoff, a new job or changes that you have no control over. Having dealt with this type of transition myself over recent months, here are my top tips for coping:
1. Take an honest look at yourself. What are your strengths, weaknesses, skills? How did those influence—positively or negatively—your transition?
2. Step up your self-care. Major changes are physically and emotionally taxing. You need self-care now more than ever. Women are notoriously bad at taking care of themselves.
3. Engage your curiosity. What went wrong, or right? What could you have done better? What worked really well? You may find a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis useful.
4. Focus on what you want, and less on what you don’t want. Keep your eye on the prize.
5. Find support. Since your transition affects your family as well, it may be better to seek the outside support of friends or professionals such as a life coach.
6. Work on your thoughts. Calm your fears and reinforce your sense of hope and happiness.
7. Reassure (or avoid) those who are threatened by, or jealous of, the change. Surround yourself with a supportive network.
8. Create your own rite of passage. Ceremony and ritual help with all transitions.
9. Let go of how things were “supposed to be” and accept “how things are.” Find appreciation for what is.
10. Keep things in perspective. Or try on a new perspective. Don’t get stuck. Remember, the only constant is change.
If you would like some focused asistance in getting through your transition, email me about how a short course of life coaching could help you cope.
Recently (June 3) I ran a teleclass on ‘Women and Transitions’ (If you are a Downtown Women’s Club member you can listen to the recording on the website.) One of the topics that I covered was why we often feel depressed when we achieve something positive such as a job promotion or life goal. I also read somewhere that a large number of Nobel Prize winners become depressed after receiving their honor because their sense of purpose has been taken away. They have to’ grieve’ their pre-Nobel Prize life and find a new way of being, something to get excited about that will get them out of bed in the morning. This is definitely the beginning of a transition, because, in the words of William Bridges, ’All transitions begin with an ending’. With the achievement of a goal you have worked towards for so long often comes an emptiness and loss, accompanied by “What on earth will I do now?”
Every kind of life transition comes with its own challenges. After the ‘ending’ phase, which is a metaphorical ’mourning’ for what we once had or who we once were, you enter what I think of as ‘the fog’ or neutral zone of indecision. You are, in essence, grieving that previous of life, and I included a discussion of the Kubler-Ross 5 stage grief process in my teleclass.
Here are the five steps.
1. Denial.
This is where you ignore all the signs that anything is happening. For example, if your partner has been cold to you for weeks and you find evidence that he has been eating at restaurants without you and paying the bill for two (that happened to me!) You can only ignore the issue for so long, so why not confront your feelings and allow yourself to move into the second stage.
2. Anger.
In my blog post, “How are you feeling?, I list the Law of Attraction levels of emotion, where Anger comes in at number 17, which is an improvement from where you were probably feeling the fear, despair or powerlessnesss of your denail phase. These emotions are at the bottom of the human emotion scale, meaning we cannot feel any worse – so anger is a big step towards feeling better.
Anger is a natural, healthy reaction to anything that can, or has, hurt us. But don’t try to deny your anger as it has a nasty way of finding expression despite our best effort to suppress it. So allow yourself to get mad, at least for a short time.
3. Bargaining.
We are all naturally good at this part – just ask your mother! Remember how treats were withheld until you ate your vegetables?
“What’s for dessert?”
“Nothing until you eat your green beans.”
“How many do I have to eat to get dessert?”
“All of them.”
“How about I eat all my carrots instead?”- (You know how this one ends!)
As an adult going through a transition, you will probably try to bargain with yourself (replace the green beans with visits to the gym (or maybe you really do need to improve your vegetable intake?) and with a higher power who can make everything right again – if you promise to eat your beans! But as your Mother knew back when you were young – this too will pass!
4. Depression.
For me, this stage mirrors Bridge’s description on ‘the neutral zone’ or my ‘fog’, in that it is a period of hiding your head in the sand (or under your pillow) and not being able to make any decisions or plans for the future. That is okay – give yourself some time to heal. Unless your depression is particularly serious and you need to seek professional help to get you through it.
5. Acceptance.
This is the start of your new beginning. It is likely to feel awkward. You are starting a new phase in your life and your personal development. Like all goals that you achieve, this will also come full circle at some point and you will feel like the Nobel prize winners again – seeking new challenges and ways to fulfil yourself. Or as the Zen proverb says “After Enlightenment – the laundry”.
For further enlightenment, you might want to check out Transitions by William Bridges or the other books on this subjec that are available from the bookstore on my site.
Today I would like to introduce the work of a two great women that I have been working with recently, and to share some of their wisdom when it comes to nurturing ourselves. The first is Nicolle Swenson of Finally Fed. Nicolle is a nutritionist that I have met through my research for my new workshops on dating, and who was also a guest on Lynda Hill’s Studio Chat show on May 17. In Nicolle’s recent newsletter, she has a paragraph about finding time to yourself, which has been a topic I have been sharing with several of my own coaching clients recently. Here is Nicolle’s take on unwinding – from a nutritionists view:
“Scheduling time to unwind will not only add years to your life, it may also remove inches from your waist. We are all so addicted to our calendars, scheduling important meetings for work, picking up our children, attending classes, etc. When is the last time you put relaxation into your calendar?
Considering that stress is the #1 health problem in the US today (and one of the main factors contributing to heart attacks), work/life balance is a topic that cannot be taken lightly. How often do you relax? Monthly, weekly or daily? We forget how important this time is to allow our bodies to rest and unwind. When we relax or sleep, we are allowing our bodies to heal and replenish our cells. Our cell health is very important in determining the longevity and vitality of our lives. If we do not allow for and schedule this time, than when will we do it? When we push through our body’s natural body rhythm and ignore how tired we are – fatigue, inflammation, weight gain and illness can occur.
Your free time is an asset that you should protect at all costs. When we think about work we usually have certain hours that we have to spend working. We do not even think about other activities at that time. For some reason when it comes to free time we forget how important it is. Yes, it won’t bring you any extra income and won’t get you a promotion at work but it will make you a happy and balanced person. This is not a dress rehearsal, so go on – go have some FUN! “
You can checkout all of Nicolles services (including some healthy recipies) at her website – www.finallyfed.com
Whilst on the subject of unwinding, particuarly when it relates to us women, I should also thank Abbey Seixas, author of ‘Finding the Deep River Within’. Abbey gave a wonderful presentation to my Downtown Womens Club group on April 8, based on the book (of which I am a great fan). One of the many tips that she gives is to move away from having a ‘to-do’ list and instead create a ‘What I have done list’. So instead of having a constant reminder of what is still outstanding, you change your focus to what you have already accomplished. So try this – at the end of your day, make a list of everything you have done that day, including things that only took a couple of minutes, then when you have finished it, take a deep breath and appreciate yourself. Simple! My list for today already includes:
vacuuming the house
updating my Facebook fan page
arranging a coffee morning with friends
writing this blog
finishing a handout on meridian tapping
completing a coaching plan for a client
emptying the trash
booking a massage (hence the picture of a hot stone massage at the top of this blog)
And it is not even two o’clock yet. I am now going to appreciate myself for a while!
I found this lovely video via one of my Facebook links – I hope that you are inspired by its simplicity too – and it has a very high cuteness factor! This young lady is going to go far with that attitude.
Learn Law of Attraction with a Manifestation Journal
Credit for the original article goes to Wendy S Betterini who gives full permission to copy her work – so I though I would share it with you.
Learning to use the Law of Attraction can often be confusing and frustrating. Even if you understand the general idea of what you’re supposed to do (ask, believe, let go, receive), it’s not always so clear when you’re constantly bumping up against stressful situations that threaten your focus. When things around you aren’t so rosy, it’s easy to keep slipping back into old negative thought patterns that keep you stuck.
One of the most powerful tools you can use to overcome this problem is a manifestation journal. A journal can provide the focus and insight to help you choose better thoughts, refine your approach and gradually raise your frequency to be in alignment with what you really want to attract into your life.
Keeping a manifestation journal is very easy – and a whole lot of fun. Here’s how to do it:
1) Cover the basics.
First, choose the book you want to use as your journal. It can be a formal blank journal, an ordinary lined notebook, or even a document on your computer if you’d rather type than write.
Once you have chosen your journal, start by covering the basic steps of deliberate attraction on the first page. List each step and a short description of how to do it. (Example: “Step 1: Ask – Get clear about what you really want. Step 2: Believe – Believe and know you deserve it and can have it… etc.) This page serves as a handy checklist for those times when you feel like you’re veering off-track.
2) Look into the past.
The next few pages in your journal should contain an overview of your past as far as the Law of Attraction is concerned. Have you ever attracted anything into your life even if you weren’t fully aware of how you did so at the time? What did you do or think that made the manifestation successful?
Have you been trying to attract something specific more recently with little success? Why do you think that is? Are you struggling with certain steps of the attraction process while others come more easily to you? Can you see any areas that you need to focus better on?
Write as much as you can about your success (or lack of) up to this point in time. This should paint a clear picture of where you stand as a conscious creator and provide insight about what you could be doing better to achieve more focused results.
3) Keep a daily record.
Now, make a list of the objects and/or experiences that you wish to attract into your life in the near future, and keep a daily record of your attempts to do so. Are you struggling to stay in a positive mind-set? Write it down. Do you keep vacillating on what you want? Write that down too. Record the things you are doing successfully and the things you’re struggling with.
Every few days, flip back through the previous pages of your journal and look for patterns that might be holding you back. Do you keep letting doubt intrude on your thoughts? Are you trying to control “how” everything happens? Make note of any insights you pick up while re-reading your journal and begin to alter your daily thoughts and actions to improve your results.
When you are successful in attracting something you want, record every tiny detail of exactly what you did, how you felt, what you focused on, how long the manifestation took, and so on. Over time you will have more and more of these successes to record, and you’ll have a clear blueprint to follow so you can do it again and again.
As simple as journaling may sound, it is incredibly powerful! As time goes on you’ll be able to see a clear progression of growth and mastery taking place before your eyes. You’ll be able to spot limiting patterns, old habits, negative expectations and more that may be hindering your progress and turn them around quickly. As a result, manifesting the things you want becomes a clearer, more focused process.
I recently came across this quote, which was taken from the classic 1922 book Your Forces and How to Use Them by Christian D. Larson. He calls this “The Ruling Principle of Man”, although it’s really a number of principles written as one paragraph – I hope that you feel inspired by his words too!
PROMISE YOURSELF
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticise others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but in great deeds. To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
I have printed this out and look at it whenever I need to – just before starting work in the morning is a good time for me. I am also adding daily reminders to my Facebook Fan Page (even though it has now become a ‘like’ page!) Would love you to join me there.
I have noticed that several people that I know pretty well seem to have found new ways to reinvent themselves recently. For example, one married friend has cut his hours at work and bought a motorcycle to go exploring the countryside. Another has adopted her first child and two more have just announced the forthcoming birth of their third children. The only thing that these friends have in common is that they are all over the age of forty. One of them is over sixty. Maybe they have all reached that certain age and are ready for the new challenges and I am being left behind (and it is time for my own midlife crisis). Certainly this is a period of transition. Or maybe they are all simply being true to themselves?
Chris Brogan had a very simple message in a recent email in which he said ‘Believe in yourself first. Others can only see your past. Your future is mostly in your head.’ I can of course only see these people’s past’s (some of them I have known since we were are primary school), and who knows what future they are creating? But I also spend too much time considering my own past and maybe not enough in creating my ideal future.
This reminds me to try to live in the present moment and enjoy it, and also to hold true to my core values (compassion, independence, and integrity). Then however I end up reinventing myself, I will still always be me!
What are your core values, and how will they help you create your own future?
When talking about dreams and goals I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes, such as the following by Walt Disney:
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them
If you can dream it, you can do it
This may be an inspiration to us dreamers, but doesn’t explain that in order to manifest that dream (whether it be a new animated film or a theme park in Walt’s case) it cannot happen without some ‘doing’. Turning dreams into goals takes action and some level of commitment and dedication. Look around you at all the man made things (such as your computer if you are reading this electronically or even the chair you are sitting on). Every man-made item began as a thought, and idea, a hope or dream in someone’s mind. Successful people are often asked what they think about most of the time, and the most common answer they give is that theythink about what they want and how to get it. Unlike unsuccessful people who think and talk about what they don’t want.
To be successful, focus your thoughts on how to achieve those dreams. Your mind is engineered to seek solutions. Be careful who you reveal your dreams to, they can be fragile and negative people may sabotage them. This is why I wanted to share this quote from Yeats:
I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams
As I life coach, I will tread softly on your dreams until we can turn them into goals and bring them into reality. Why not take advantage of my 30 minutes of free coaching to see if coaching is right for you? Call me on 781 697 7608 or email arrange a no obligation appointment
Several times over recent months I have met women who seem to either be going through the early stages of a messy relationship breakup, or are just starting on their journey of living their new single life as a divorcee. Not sure whether it is an epidemic, or just part of the growth cycle that ‘women of a certain age’ will have to live through, but it is certainly a key transition.
I haven’t had to suffer the trauma of divorce and the added complication of children. But I have had a break up after seven years and a joint mortgage. I know how it feels emotionally to be left for a younger/slimmer/richer/blonder/broodier model (delete as appropriate to your own situation – I was replaced by a slim blonde who wanted to have children). My saving grace was that I was financially independent and could look after myself, with a bit of compromise. I had also not quite reached the ripe old age of 30 by that time. But what has occurred to me with the advantage of hindsight is how predictable men can be when:
They find someone younger/slimmer/blonder than you, or
They begin their mid life crisis
And often both occur simultaneously. But the outcome tends to be the same for the existing wife or girlfriend – ‘goodbye’! So how do we cope when mid-life becomes a major crisis? Try the following to give you a little comfort:
Sob and shout, but only for the first 48 hours – then you need something more productive
Wait until 6.30 pm on the second evening then open a bottle of wine (assuming you have learned to use a cork screw, otherwise you are limited to screw topped bottles because you are never going to ask him to open it for you. Nor are you going to share your bottle with him)
Have a glass of wine (even if you don’t drink wine, now is a good time to start a new hobby and develop your palate). Don’t resort to beer or hard liquor – it doesnt work well for grieving women!
If you are still having to share a house at this point, then relocate his clothes and toiletries to either the spare room or, if you don’t have one, then to his car – he can go stay with ‘her’. You are never going to share a bed with him again
Call your best girlfriends to arrange a shopping spree.
Write a shopping list for new underwear, new shoes, a diary* and new bed linen (you don’t want to sleep in the same sheets and duvet that he has used, do you?)
Have another glass of wine (this is your limit, but it should help you sleep)
Go to bed and reflect on these first brave steps that you have taken and plan your shopping spree for the weekend – before he cancels your credit cards. And remember that you will get through this – the diary* is to help you remember when you look back in a few months and will make you smile at how far you will have come! More in my next blog…
This is a really hectic time for me. Planning for an overseas trip which includes attending a friends wedding and then moving house 5 days after I return. And then there is a 28 day marketing plan that I have started. And that included the idea to set up a new auto responder system. And that led to setting up an on-line coaching club. So I guess I’m as guilty as anyone of multitasking. Why do I take on so much at one time? Because my brain works faster than most people can speak (and faster than I can speak too) . And I have loads of ideas. And it feels like I’m accomplishing more. Wrong. But I also know that I am not a ‘completer-finisher’, and always have so many “75% finished” projects – but not so many 100% completed ones. Research shows that multitasking reduces productivity by as much as 40%, reduces competency AND it’s stressful too. So how can I improve my bad habit?
